Who I Was This Morning

The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

‘Who are you?’ said the Caterpillar.

This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, ‘I–I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.’

I saw this quote from Alice in Wonderland hung on an office wall this morning at work, and of course, having seen it multiple times¬†before (because it’s right next to the microwave), I didn’t think anything of it.

But then I read it again.

I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

For some reason that resonated with me more today than it has on any other day; it actually meant something to me. There was truth in that statement.

Since getting out of bed this morning at 5:30am, I have been changed several times.

I’ve been changed by grace. I’ve been changed by God’s grace more faithful than the rising sun and the grace of others who are sensitive enough to the Holy Spirit to extend what I don’t deserve. I’ve been changed by the flowing of grace through my own heart and spirit as well. There is beauty and life in grace received and in grace extended.

I’ve been changed by prayer. I’ve been changed by the sheer power of prayer, even if that prayer remains unanswered. God has shown me how prayer isn’t just a way of getting what I want, but a way of becoming one with God through the interceding power of the Holy Spirit. In the little time between now and this morning, my prayers have continued to conform into prayers that seek the heart of God rather than the fulfillment of my own desires.

I’ve been changed by God’s Word. This morning reminded me once again how powerful it is to saturate my heart and mind in the Word of God first thing in the morning. I read verses that I didn’t know existed and understood verses that I’ve known my whole life in entirely new ways, for the Word of God truly is alive and active when we seek to understand it (Hebrews 4:12, paraphrased).

I know who I was this morning and while I know that God invites us with open arms into His goodness and grace just as we are, how good is He who does not allow us to stay that way forever?

For he promises to transform us into the likeness of His Son, Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18).

That truth has become so sweet to me lately; how I can actually have hope for being transformed into the likeness of Jesus Christ by a God who is holy and magnificent.

Psalm 25:8 reminds us how good and faithful the Lord really is, and therefore, in his perfect goodness and unfailing faithfulness, instructs sinners in his ways.

That Psalm is so humbling to my heart; to think that a holy and perfect God would actually instruct sinners in his ways, and not even by anything we have done or will do. This verse is very clear – it is only because of the goodness and faithfulness of the Lord that He changes us, teaches us, and transforms us, because we are, at our core, sinners helplessly lost to the impulses of selfish gain and pride.

Who I was this morning has been refined; made new, covered in grace and mercy that is new every morning.

That’s the beautiful thing about refinement – it will never be a completed work in us until the day we get to behold the glorious face of Jesus, but until then, we have this hope that will never disappoint or put us to shame – that it is through the Lord, the Spirit and His perfect goodness and faithfulness that we are instructed, transformed, and overwhelmed by a love made new every single day, transforming who I was this morning into a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17).

Author: Kristin Holl

I am a jeans and t-shirt wearing, passionate, jump-in-with-both-feet, entirely flawed but wholly loved by God kind of girl who is learning to embrace grace over perfection. I am a brand new wife to an incredible man, daughter to two wonderful parents, and sister to three awesome brothers. When I'm not busy writing grants or analyzing data for the local nonprofit that I work for, I like to fill my time with music, writing, reading, hiking and fellowship with friends and family. I have a passion for Biblical literacy and deep, personal understanding of Gospel truth. It is my daily desire and prayer to be consumed and compelled by the cross. As C.J. Mahaney says, "we never move on from the cross. We only get a more profound understanding of the cross."

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