Yes, today is April 18.
This is nothing new for most of you, and if it is, you might want to invest in a calendar.
But today will likely be a normal day, though for some it might be a wedding anniversary, a birthday, the day to remember a loved one who has passed, or perhaps the anniversary of when you started your job (I hope your boss gives you a cookie if it is).
You, like myself, probably woke up this morning with a little too much aggression towards your alarm clock. You probably rolled out of bed half awake to start your morning routine. Perhaps you noticed the beautiful blue sky, the warm sun, and the melody of the birds.
Or perhaps you didn’t.
Some of you were probably eager to get to work. Others maybe not so much.
Maybe you’ve got plans tonight, or maybe your only plan is to not have any plans.
Yes, this will likely be a normal day for most of you.
But for me, I guess I thought that today would feel anything but normal. As I think back on what this day a year ago had in store, I suppose I thought I would feel anything but peace and comfort.
I remember waking up excited that I would get to spend the entire day out of the office. I was scheduled to attend a conference to learn more about the health systems in our region, hoping to take back some good ideas for our health program at work. I eagerly anticipated a day of lectures and trainings (yes, I actually find those things enjoyable) and was excited to have something other than leftovers for lunch (because we all know that the catered lunch is the best part of any work conference).
I did not however anticipate that by 4:30pm that afternoon I would find myself lying on my living room floor struggling to gain some kind of control over my thoughts as a crushing anxiety attack swept over me, leaving me deeply afraid and unsure.
Fast-forward several months and you’ll see blurs of fear, doubt, anxiety, and guilt unlike anything I had ever experienced. You’ll see hours of tearful conversations with wise friends and family, heartache, probably a few nights where I angrily shook my fist at God, and then other nights where I crumbled under the weight of conviction.
Oh, how easy it would be to just stop here and wash my hands of that season in life; to file it away; chalk it up to nothing more than a rough couple of months, and hope that one day it makes its way to the shredder to never be thought of again.
For so long, that’s all I’ve wanted…to simply forget April 18, 2018.
But not today!
In fact, today I want to remember.
There is a necessity in the Christian life to remember. We are told countless times throughout Scripture to remember things like the Sabbath (Exodus 20:8); like God’s miracles (Psalm 77:11, 1 Chronicles 16:12, Psalm 78:42-55), those who have gone before us (Luke 17:32, Hebrews 13:7), where we’ve been (Deuteronomy 16:12; 24:22, Isaiah 46:7-9, Lamentations 3:19-20), the nature of our humanity (Psalm 89:47); and most of all, God’s faithfulness (Psalm 77:1-20).
There is good in remembering. By remembering the Sabbath, we grow in holiness and obedience. We are comforted as we recall God’s miracles and sovereignty displayed throughout our lives and in His Word. We are trained and taught as we remember those who have gone before us. We are humbled in remembering where we’ve been and the frailty of our human nature. We are built up in courage, hope, faith, and worship as we remember God’s faithfulness despite our frailty, disobedience, and fear.
We are built up in courage, hope, faith, and worship as we remember God’s faithfulness despite our frailty, disobedience, and fear.
Though there is a good portion of the last year that has been tainted by the memory of that anxiety attack, the faithfulness of God continues to shine through.
As I remember how utterly frail and weak I felt that day (both spiritually and physically), I am in turn reminded of God’s strength that has carried me since then and helped me to where I am now.
As I remember my stumbling, anger, and fear in the months that followed, I am comforted in recalling God’s wonderful display of patience and kindness towards me; which in turn encourages me in my continued fight against anxiety and sin.
As I recall where I’ve been, I am both filled with gratitude and joy at the many blessings the Lord has poured out onto my life since then, and my hope is renewed in the One who continues to lead me forward, because while I was still weak; while I was still stubborn; while I was still resistant towards Him…while I was still a sinner, God loved me and sent His Son to die for me (Romans 5:8).
I’m sure you have a similar day tucked back in the deep corners of your memory. Perhaps a day that didn’t go so well and that you’d like to forget. But maybe we’ve been wrong in how we view days such as these. Maybe days like these don’t really belong in our shred pile of memories, but rather in a treasured scrapbook of daily reminders of God’s wonderful grace, patience, and love!
Maybe today you need to take a second look at a bad memory, a tough day, or a hard season in life. You might be surprised to find rays of God’s glory shining through the clouds that once brought rain.